i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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