So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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