yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
