you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
