I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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