Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
