Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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