maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
