there's paper in my vomit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
