i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
