Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
