It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
