like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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