Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
