That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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