it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
