My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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