thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
