So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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