My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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