ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
