you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
