If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
