i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
