My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You ate ashes out of my bong
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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