so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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