I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
