saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
