took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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