fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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