i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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