I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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