I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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