Michael Bay diarrhea
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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