if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
