based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
