just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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