i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
