if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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