Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
