How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
