and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
