so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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