I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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