Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
