vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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