Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
