we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
