Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
