38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
