His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
